Category: đź•• Midnight Musings

This is where my brain goes when the rest of the world shuts up. No filter, no format, no promises. Just the unedited, unshaved legs of my thoughts. Sometimes it’s deep, sometimes it’s dumb, sometimes it’s dangerously close to oversharing—but it’s always real. If you’re looking for structure, you’re in the wrong corner of the internet. Welcome to the chaos after dark.

Old habits die hard.

Sometimes I think I have it all figured out. I’ve spent days, weeks, or even months making a plan, then tweaking the plan until I felt it was fail proof. The problem with this is, the plan has a lot of moving parts and in my mind, every single one of those parts has to be working perfectly for any of the other parts to work. If one part fails, the whole damn thing will fall apart. So, one little diversion from the plan will cause me to say, “fuck it,” and abandon the rest of the plan.

It wasn’t until recently that I truly started to recognize this behavior in myself. Once I did, I wanted to understand why I do it. Looking deeper, I came to realize that it wasn’t that I actually believed all of the parts had to work together, but that if I convinced myself that was the case then I couldn’t keep failing. Failing big once was way easier to swallow than the potential of failing myself over and over again for each individual part of the plan.

I’m at a point in my life where I finally have a vision of my future. It took me a lot of years and a whole lot of failing to get to the point, but better late than never I suppose. Funny thing is, it’s basically the life 20 year old me envisioned too, she just lost the vision somewhere along the way. Anywho… Now that I have a goal (or 10), I have learned that if I ever want to reach those goals and make my vision my reality, I need to allow myself to fail without giving up. I also need to remind myself that one little snag doesn’t equal failure. I will never be perfect, but as long as I keep pushing forward, I’ll never stay stuck.

P.S. I wrote this for me but wanted to share it with you. I needed the reminder today.

This Might Be a Bad Idea (But Here We Are)

So here’s the thing about me… I don’t really like to write. Yeah I know, weird thing for someone starting a blog to say. I have a lot of thoughts and experiences, and I love to tell a story. The issue is, I don’t enjoy putting my words into pretty little packages. I’m great at rambling. But wrapping it all up in a bow? That’s where it gets difficult for me.

People always tell me I should write a book because my stories are fantastic and you really can’t make this shit up. I definitely do not have the time or the energy to write a book. And let’s be real, nobody’s going to buy that book anyway. So, I thought I’d give blogging a try. It’s proven quite difficult. Not because I don’t have things to say. But because I feel like it needs to be organized and properly punctuated and to flow properly. But that’s not me. This blog is named Caffeinated Chaos because that is me. I’m all over the place. My mind jumps from one thing to another constantly. My stories are filled with detours and side quests. If I ever tell you a story and it’s succinct and not said with enthusiasm, I either don’t like you or I don’t trust you.

All that being said, it has inspired me to allow myself to ramble for all of you to see. These will be the thoughts running through my head in real time. There will be no rhyme or reason. You may only get partial thoughts because another thought rudely interrupted or you may get way more information on any given topic than you ever wanted to know. You may see sides of me nobody else ever gets to see. That’s a bit scary but whatevs. Consider this your backstage pass to what goes on behind all the caffeine and chaos.

So, stick around. Things are about to get interesting. Or weird. Probably both.